information on insurance
i just ordered information on some insurance that i have been paying on for a gazillion years, i hope that its enough to pay off my final expenses, or pay off my house
Monday, September 12, 2016
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
yay me
Well blog world i haven't been around for a week or so, its been a tough week,
3 patients dying of head and neck cancer and i was waiting to find out my fate.
Good news, its a papilloma, which is basically a wart on my soft palate. I had hpv in my early 20s, Married since i was 29 and not exposed as far as i know. Hell i haven't even given my husband head for 2 yrs. I did have a patient a few months ago with genital warts, but i do follow universal precautions and i don't remember his name or anything about him , so its not like i can pursue workers comp.
So friday i have it laser to it , send it for biopsy and hopefully thats the last time i hear about it, but its been incredibly stressful.
Ive learned a lot bout myself since aug 8th, one i have anxiety, and it manifests itself by trying to control every aspect of my life and those around me. Poor Jeff he got the brunt of my anxiety filled times. Steve is kind of used to it guess, or he doesn't hear me.
Now being my fathers daughter, i am not one to go to drugs when i am out of whack. I'm sure if i had called my doc, gone to see her, i could have gotten something short term. Although anti anxiety agents do a world of good , they can also be abused, and darn it, i have a personality that likes to abuse myself :)
So i started to pray, at first the prayers were very me focused, Lord if only you would..... then i will..... but, that didn't help. Then i started to listen to the Catholic channel, and Hallie Lord and her book the other side of fear, and what can i say, prayer is the way to go, pray for others, pray in gratitude, pray, take time to talk to God.
funny i asked Jeff today if he prayed for me, he said, mom you and i can have this argument another time, i am glad you are okay. And i said, see prayer works.
and I'm going to live to have this argument another time.
i don't understand people who don't believe in God.When you face your fears like i did these last 3 weeks, you realize just how helpless you really are and that God said he would walk beside you and be with you always,
And thats enough for me
3 patients dying of head and neck cancer and i was waiting to find out my fate.
Good news, its a papilloma, which is basically a wart on my soft palate. I had hpv in my early 20s, Married since i was 29 and not exposed as far as i know. Hell i haven't even given my husband head for 2 yrs. I did have a patient a few months ago with genital warts, but i do follow universal precautions and i don't remember his name or anything about him , so its not like i can pursue workers comp.
So friday i have it laser to it , send it for biopsy and hopefully thats the last time i hear about it, but its been incredibly stressful.
Ive learned a lot bout myself since aug 8th, one i have anxiety, and it manifests itself by trying to control every aspect of my life and those around me. Poor Jeff he got the brunt of my anxiety filled times. Steve is kind of used to it guess, or he doesn't hear me.
Now being my fathers daughter, i am not one to go to drugs when i am out of whack. I'm sure if i had called my doc, gone to see her, i could have gotten something short term. Although anti anxiety agents do a world of good , they can also be abused, and darn it, i have a personality that likes to abuse myself :)
So i started to pray, at first the prayers were very me focused, Lord if only you would..... then i will..... but, that didn't help. Then i started to listen to the Catholic channel, and Hallie Lord and her book the other side of fear, and what can i say, prayer is the way to go, pray for others, pray in gratitude, pray, take time to talk to God.
funny i asked Jeff today if he prayed for me, he said, mom you and i can have this argument another time, i am glad you are okay. And i said, see prayer works.
and I'm going to live to have this argument another time.
i don't understand people who don't believe in God.When you face your fears like i did these last 3 weeks, you realize just how helpless you really are and that God said he would walk beside you and be with you always,
And thats enough for me
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
A day of tears,
I should be very happy today, i have a wonderful son who has an excellent opportunity. I should be able to say to myself, he will be okay, you have done your job well as a Mom, there is nothing left of your to do. But i don't feel done with that job.
I grew up a cradle catholic, what that means, is i was baptized as an infant.I was welcomed into the family of the Christ. The matriarch of our family was my Grandma Agnes, aka the first female pope Agnes.My great memory of her is she could really cook, and my mom was scared to death of disappointing her. So every Sunday we were put in our Sunday best clothes and we would go to mass. Even though i went to a Catholic school, i really didn't know what was going on, why it was important nor could i make a connection. In the world of mothers at home, my mom worked tuesday through saturday. So Sunday was the day we could get groceries, make a meal and relax. Now if you remember the Bible, Sunday is a day of rest. So she was already disappointing my Grandmother. Now my grandfather was so excited to be a grandfather, he loved me, had time for me, and thought everything i did was enchanting. He was an usher at the church. I actually remember mass in latin, then everything got turned around, and in english.
In the tradition of the day we wore pristine white dresses with veils to receive our first communion.I really don't remember being education or supported or really even being aware enough to consent and understand that catholic tradition of the Blessed Sacrament.
The sacrament of confirmation , you received it in the 8th grade, i do recall being educated about it in a certain sense, you had to choose a favorite saint as your confirmation name. Btw, my confirmation name is Helen.As soon as i learned to drive, i learned to lie to my mom, i would take my brother and run him in to get the bulletin and we would drag main street for an hour. During high school, Mom forced us to attend a teenage meeting which for some reason, they had the meeting in my 8th grade history room. Not really my thing, if you get my drift.
During my high school, i had to drive my grandma to the local nursing home to check on my grandfather, he had a stroke, my grandmother who raised her family during the depression, now had to sell her house, well she sold it to her son, and live only on social security. And then he died. A hard thing to accept, the only person that was in my corner, and then he was gone. And because of the times of the day, or maybe my cultural heritage , there was no discussion of the pain, suffering, and only vague discussion of heaven and the afterlife.
So to recap, i didn't know much about my faith, i was told constantly i was a disappointment and that i was going to hell if i didn't change my way, its no wonder i walked away from my faith.
I should be very happy today, i have a wonderful son who has an excellent opportunity. I should be able to say to myself, he will be okay, you have done your job well as a Mom, there is nothing left of your to do. But i don't feel done with that job.
I grew up a cradle catholic, what that means, is i was baptized as an infant.I was welcomed into the family of the Christ. The matriarch of our family was my Grandma Agnes, aka the first female pope Agnes.My great memory of her is she could really cook, and my mom was scared to death of disappointing her. So every Sunday we were put in our Sunday best clothes and we would go to mass. Even though i went to a Catholic school, i really didn't know what was going on, why it was important nor could i make a connection. In the world of mothers at home, my mom worked tuesday through saturday. So Sunday was the day we could get groceries, make a meal and relax. Now if you remember the Bible, Sunday is a day of rest. So she was already disappointing my Grandmother. Now my grandfather was so excited to be a grandfather, he loved me, had time for me, and thought everything i did was enchanting. He was an usher at the church. I actually remember mass in latin, then everything got turned around, and in english.
In the tradition of the day we wore pristine white dresses with veils to receive our first communion.I really don't remember being education or supported or really even being aware enough to consent and understand that catholic tradition of the Blessed Sacrament.
The sacrament of confirmation , you received it in the 8th grade, i do recall being educated about it in a certain sense, you had to choose a favorite saint as your confirmation name. Btw, my confirmation name is Helen.As soon as i learned to drive, i learned to lie to my mom, i would take my brother and run him in to get the bulletin and we would drag main street for an hour. During high school, Mom forced us to attend a teenage meeting which for some reason, they had the meeting in my 8th grade history room. Not really my thing, if you get my drift.
During my high school, i had to drive my grandma to the local nursing home to check on my grandfather, he had a stroke, my grandmother who raised her family during the depression, now had to sell her house, well she sold it to her son, and live only on social security. And then he died. A hard thing to accept, the only person that was in my corner, and then he was gone. And because of the times of the day, or maybe my cultural heritage , there was no discussion of the pain, suffering, and only vague discussion of heaven and the afterlife.
So to recap, i didn't know much about my faith, i was told constantly i was a disappointment and that i was going to hell if i didn't change my way, its no wonder i walked away from my faith.
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