yay me

Well blog world i haven't been around for a week or so, its been a tough week,
 3 patients dying of head and neck cancer and i was waiting to find out my fate.
Good news, its a papilloma, which is basically a wart on my soft palate. I had hpv in my early 20s,  Married since i was 29 and not exposed as far as i know. Hell i haven't even given my husband head for 2 yrs. I did have a patient a few months ago with genital warts, but i do follow universal precautions and i don't remember his name or anything about him , so its not like i can pursue workers comp.
So friday i have it laser to it , send it for biopsy and hopefully thats the last time i hear about it, but its been incredibly stressful.
 Ive learned a lot bout myself since aug 8th, one i have anxiety, and it manifests itself by trying to control every aspect of my life and those around me. Poor Jeff he got the brunt of my anxiety filled times. Steve is kind of used to it guess, or he doesn't hear me.
Now being my fathers daughter, i am not one to go to drugs when i am out of whack. I'm sure if i had called my doc, gone to see her, i could have gotten something short term. Although anti anxiety agents do a world of good , they can also be abused, and darn it, i have a personality that likes to abuse myself :)

So i started to pray, at first the prayers were very me focused, Lord if only you would..... then i will..... but, that didn't help. Then i started to listen to the Catholic channel, and Hallie Lord and her book the other side of fear, and what can i say, prayer is the way to go, pray for others, pray in gratitude, pray, take time to talk to God.

funny i asked Jeff today if he prayed for me, he said, mom you and i can have this argument another time, i am glad you are okay. And i said, see prayer works.
and I'm going to live to have this argument another time.
 i don't understand people who don't believe in God.When you face your fears like i did these last 3 weeks, you realize just how helpless you really are and that God said he would walk beside you and be with you always,

And thats enough for me